: riot van ,.

[hervé alves]

hello australia, i'm hervé gunther alves and i'm twenty-six. i'm here because i'm sightseeing.

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YOU'D NEVER SEE ME ..

not drive drunk at night. i drive fantastic when wasted. i'm nicknamed the red faced designated drunk driver. i drive 10 miles per hour btw.

I'M TOTALLY ADDICTED TO ..

cologne. i have a lot of different scents, believe it or not. sometimes i wear too much to ward off uninvited guests. but really, it's just hookers.

I GET ANNOYED AS BEING STEREOTYPED AS A ..

idiot. if i'm such an imbecile, i think i should be kicked out of med school, yea? wouldn't want me performing surgery on you. i might sever a healthy limb on accident.

I FEEL MOST INSECURE ABOUT ..

my dog huck's fading eyesight. sometimes in public, when i'm walking him, he'll bump into a wall and then his weak bladder will burst and he'll pee everywhere. fucking sick.

IF I COULD TRADE LIVES WITH ANY OTHER PERSON FOR A DAY IT WOULD BE ..

napoleon bonaparte. idk, he's pretty legit. despite the fact that he was killed with arsenic.

THE LAST TIME I CRIED WAS ..

yesterday. i'm a weeper. my eyes create floods, beware of the next noah's ark attempt.

THE CRAZIEST THING I'VE EVER DONE FOR SOMEONE IS ..

give them fresh pee. you know, to pass their drug tests they'd normally fail.

I HAVE NEVER ..

had sex with a dude. close, but then i realized there were no knockers. disappointing, really.

I DON'T GET NEARLY ENOUGH CREDIT FOR ..

being a riot.

THE MOST RIDICULOUS RUMOR I'VE HEARD ABOUT MYSELF IS ..

that i'm a mormon hoarder. i'm an extreme who hoards women, thirteen out of the twenty are my own, and we live in the outback of tennessee. god bless the south.

IF I CAN'T SLEEP IT'S USUALLY BECAUSE ..

huck, tom or jim are scrounging around for shit. or eating up my couch, peeing on the carpet, or i'm just drinking. drinking a lotttt.

IN FIVE YEARS I SEE MYSELF ..

getting bored with being a neurosurgeon and then train to be a cop, and have my own show, like steven seagal.

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parents ,,

never met my mother, so i have no idea what her name is. or i would have gone looking for her a long while back. my father is frank alves, and he's a retired interpol agent from wolverhampton. he has a nub, and a weird pegleg, like a pirate, cause of being shot on duty. kinda what forced him to retire, obviously. he's not that social but when he does talk, it's always something philosophical. or rude. whatever he feels like at the time. he has a thing for our vietnamese caretaker who helps him out when i'm not around. i know this because he's always putting on his fake leg and getting tidy when she's about.

siblings ,,

natalie alves, twenty-one, younger sister, model.

others ,,

blahhh.

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hi monster hospital, i'm liza, and i also play annie. but this one here is played-by marios lekkas, they're so fine.

[astrid lemay]